project 366.1

I thought I'll blog these too. it might get me back into the block and keep me taking the pictures.
so day one of project 366. for anyone not knowing what this project is about its choosing a photo a day and creating an album of the whole year.
this photo is of Lilly and Adrian washing the car together. Lilly and Adrian have been having a lot of daddy daughter moments so sweet.

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A little life, not a little loss

the following is taken directly from a post I made this morning on a parenting forum. it is full of acronyms

After dealing with 6 years of infertility, a year of unsuccessful colmid, five failed attempts at iui. Than a cancer battle with 6 months of chemo. We were surprised and delighted to find out we were pregnant. I never wanted dd to be called a miracle. She was very special but for some reason "miracle" didn't feel right. Dd was born august 2009

I couldn't wait to start ttc again. We started ttc in august 2010. I wanted to be pregnant asap. With each month that past I was getting more upset worrying dd was a fluke and we would need to go back to the fs.

In march I had an unusual heavy af. Than the next week I developed heaps of bruises. I had over 35 bruisers by a week later when I saw my hematologist/oncologist for routine bloods to check on remission status. My platelets were very low. We were afraid my cancer was back. Four days later I had a pet scan and bone marrow. I was 9dpo that day so I needed a blood test to check pregnancy before they did the pet scan. Was negative.
3 days later we were relived to find out I had itp an auto immune disorder that kills my platelets. At that time I was hours away from hospitalization and transfusions.
4 days later I was 2 days late for af. Took a hpt and was shocked to get a bfp!

We were so excited! We didn't really ttc that month because what was going on. We were so surprised and looking forward to bub coming. This baby felt like a miracle!

Everything was fine

Last Saturday I had a dating scan. Bub was measuring at 5w5d instead if 7w6d I was gutted. I was hoping for the best but knew my dates were correct because I record everything. I knew bub was gone. As much as I was hoping I was wrong I just wanted the mc to happen I couldn't handle the uncertainty

On Tuesday I took scans to gp and she sent for bloods for that day and Thursday to see if my levels were rising.

On Wednesday I started spotting.

Yesterday was still spotting but was hoping it was ok. Thinking positive for the blood results. Around 5pm I got the blood results that my levels were on the way down.

Last night I started mc bub. Am still mc this morning. I was in shock I didn't realized it would be so physical. I didn't realize I'd feel my uterus shrink back down and empty out. I didn't know there would be so much ..... It's devastated me.

I thought after infertility I wouldn't have a mc that would be unfair. I thought my only struggle was getting pregnant.

I want this to be over already

I want to ttc again and be pregnant again

I'm worried will I get a bfp again??

When will I get another bfp???

I know in my heart bub was a boy. I feel it deep in my soul for certain he was a boy

I know I'll have bub in my heart forever. A part of my soul left with him last night. He was my miracle. I look forward to meeting him one day

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buttermilk pancakes

today mothers day
my first one!
Lilly woke up late :) went to bed early :) and I forgot to take a picture of the two of us! arh! :(

so with mothers day came my Julie cookbook and the start of my experiment. I had planed to go from start to finish but the first chapter is breakfast so I can't cook breakfast every day so I'll try one breakfast a week and insert the rest here and there and try and still do them in order
so the first recipee was buttermilk pancakes. I love pancakes! love my own recipee. we even have a pancake factory maker. but I don't really like buttermilk I've tried 3 or 4 different buttermilk recipees which I havnt liked, with not enough sugar. I was nervous making julies recipee. since it only had a half a cup of sugar and 300 mls of buttermilk.
Adrian, Lilly and I went up to mums for breaakfast today. well really brunch since it was almost 11am by the time we got up there. I took my pancake maker.
measuring a bit hard since mum dosnt have measuring cups! shock horror!! but I figured it out with lillys advent cups.
I didn't sieve as I couldn't be bothered. sometimes I don't bother. I was nervous how much milk was used comparision to flour but the consistency was good. I poured some thick butter into the pancake pan. no real need for cooking oil/ spray (I forgot) I got 8 out of the batter. enough for mum, beth, Jack, Adrian, lilly and I. they were yum! everyone liked them. I had to make more. the biggest test lilly loved them. and pancake connesuir jack had 5!

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running on empty

It's been almost 9 months since Lilly was born and a lot of time I feel like I'm running on empty. I love being a working mum but in transit I always wish to be a stay at home. Sometimes I feel I'm kidding myself that I choose to work because I couldn't sit at home. All though I was going stir crazy.
Lilly has changed a lot! I've been neglecting this blog as I've been telling her accomplishments and my struggles with bubhub and facebook
So how has Lilly changed ?
She rolled over at 14 weeks still hates beening on her back.
She started crawling like a worm at 6 months and still doing that. She gets up on het hands and knees and rocks a lot but still not doing cross (22/4/2010)
She can crawl
She is pulling herself up on furniture to stand and crawl up stairs
She is eating everything, started solids at 4 months now has finger foods and a mix of blended or choped foods
Has a lonely tooth waiting for the next
Smiles her head off, and although she does laugh it's more silent than a huge giggle
Waves occasionaly
Loves to "sing" in the car. Talks a lot but can go for a long time in silance and stare
Knows what the mirror and telphones are and knows to smile when the camera is pointed at her
Hair still slowly growing
Still in a way petite wears some 000 but mostly 00 and dosnt weigh 8 kilos yet

Well I'm looking forward to mothers day 1 week away!

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Julie/Lisa experiment

Ok so I've asked for Julie Goodwins cookbook for mothers day
While watching Julie & Julia last night I thought "hey I could do that!", with Julie's cookbook! I've already got a blog. I have some readers, well my Aunty Larelle, Andrea and Wendy :D
It'd be a good way to ensure that I actually cook the recipees.
I love cooking.
I love cookbooks.
I own I don't know how many cookbooks. I once had to cull half of them! I do have a knack for remembering recipees but I'm terrible at actually cooking a decent amount of recipees out of them. I'm lucky to have cooked more than 1 or 2 out of each book.
So I've decided to do this. Thanks to some hubbers who have convinced me.
I'm not sure if I can get through the book by next mothers day.
I have to warn new readers I'm a shocker at spelling and punctuation so I'm sorry about that and I don't pre read the post.
I want be as good as Julie Powel, she is a professional writter, while I only wish I had the skill. And while she had the entire New York City at her desposal with 24 hour shopping, with supermarkets, green grocers, butchers, delicantesants, bakers, chocolate and cheese stores and boutiqu food stores and markets.
I have, 3 wollworths, 2 coles, our butchers and fruit and veg store and a few other heatlh stores.
Wish me luck

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RIP Wicket

Yesterday we had to make the decision to put my dog down :crying:
we got her in 2004 she was about to turn 6, mum brought her while we were suffering the pain of infertility
she was soo loyal and cuddly. We I was diagnoised from cancer and had a hospital stay didn't leave my side once I came home, and was again by my side while I was pregnant and never was jealous of dd.
Two years ago we moved into my mums and mum got a new dog the same week from RSPCA Rocky was five months but our Wicket was 4 years she was a shi tzu so rocky a japanese spitz already was bigger.
Last year just before dd was born we moved into a unit, we could have wicket there so she would stay sometimes and go back to mums.
When she was with us she slept inside every night on our bed, but I know the last few weeks she has been sleeping outside at mums
yesterday mum called to say we needed to take wicket to the vet, her eye had fallen out. We rushed her to the vet, they said she had been in a fight with rocky and that to remove it or keep the eye would cost $1000s and lots of surgies that might not fix the problem. And that she was already blind :( the vet said it was the best option for her was to put her down. :(
I feel like I let her down :( I wish we didn't have to move to thus unit so she could of been with us, I wish I was strong enough to be holding her while she passed away like dh did. I feel so awful and sad for her. I've owned over 10 dogs in my life but she touched my heart the deepest and I let her down :(

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C-Section

this is my first post via web for a while lol

so i thursday (6-8-09) i went up to get my blood results from the FMAU and when the ob spoke to me he said he wanted to deliver the baby. he then asked "are you happy to book in the c-section for tomorrow?" that would have to be the weirdest question i have ever been asked lol. i thought wow tomorrow? tomorrow? i signed the consent, had an injection of steroids to help bubs lungs cos she was still considered premi being just on 37 weeks. went home to have dinner, get my bag, call parents etc (super fast spring clean and unpack of boxes ;-) )

adrian and i thought itd be a great idea to go out to dinner since we didnt know when we would next get a chance to have dinner by ourselves. went to vaby's and i stupidly order Portuguese chicken. that gave me heart burn for the next 12 hours until i gave birth! then we went up to the hospital. i kept thinking i must look awesome wheeling my own bag in to the maternity wing and a fast pace walk and people thought i was in labour hehehe

i was admitted, i was originally told id be given a sleeping pill to help me sleep and id have the next steroid injection at 12am so i thought id stay up until then and then get the sleeping pill after which id be nil by mouth. at 12am i asked when is the injection? and they said i couldnt have it until 3.30, so i didnt have my crappy tamazepam and was awake all night

we were told that the cs would happen between 8am - 1pm so adrian didnt plan to get up to the ward until 8am. at 7.45 a porter came in to transfer me down to the or, i cried the whole way down thinking they shouldnt have taken me down without him. but the porter had picked me up early by accident and took me back i got back to my room just as adrian was getting there.

at 9 they came to get me again, i was wheeled into the anti-room where the anesthetist walked me through having an spinal-block. i was totally terrified having a spinal-block due to having a lumbar puncture the previous year that scared the crap out of me i needed double sedation and threatened to jump of the table half way through.

at 9.30ish they wheeled me into the or i was transfered to the table and asked to sit on the edge put my feet on a stool, bend over into my knees into a pillow and had one anesthetist cuddle me to keep me still, while i pushed my back up against the other administering the spinal-block. she gave me about 6 injections of local antiseptic, then injected the needle which gave a the horrible twinge in your back, then the actual drug, which you could feel instantly spread through to your feet. by the time i turned around and began lying back my feet were already heavy and i was having trouble moving them, they inserted the catheter (yik, thankfully the numbness had taken effect in that area ;-) )

the doctors then did ice test up my legs and over my torso to see where the drug had worked, it took longer to work on my left torso section once it had worked, they put up the screen, taped my hands down and brought adrian in. they kept telling me "you cant help with the operation" like really? do people attempt that?

the nurses told me a few times if i was going to be sick to let them know asap so they could push drugs to counter act, then they brought me over a basin, i was thinking "im not going to be sick, i dont need that" the thought was barely formed when i threw up, they had already pushed the drugs they knew before i did i was going to be sick from my falling bp and pale face. i was totally freaking out because of how thirsty i was i hadnt drank anything since the night before and i was so thirsty it sent me crazy i was asking for water and thought i would die before i was aloud to drink, being sick actually took my mind off it until after the op. the nurses went off at me for eating portuguese chicken the night before after i was sick.

i thought theyd let me know they were starting. i herd this large spray of water it sounded like a fountin being turned on, adrian told me its my waters breaking, then they start tugging, they confirm she is a girl, adrian sees a foot, more tugging. than i herd Lilly's cry out. she is taken to her ped and midwife adrian goes to cut the cord, i ask has she got brown hair, the only mystery i had left, she hasnt cried again, they work on her to get her to breath which feels like forever. adrain is ushered over back to his chair more reviving a teeny cry more reviving, then crying and they wheel her over, i cant really see her at all. they rush her up to special care nursery and put her into a humidicrib, she has low blood sugar levels and is having trouble breathing.

they sow me up, im taken to recovery, then up to my room, while adrian is with our little girl. i fall asleep. a porta comes and gets me half an hour later and im wheeled down to scn an hour after she is born. she has a drip in and she is sucking on her cannula thats bugger than her hand. im so upset that she is hungry and im not aloud to feed her yet. we are aloud to touch her through the humidi crib. at 10pm 12 hours after she is born im taken back down, and im aloud to hold her for the first time and feed her :D