its not all about the hair.....ok maybe it is

when i was first diagonsed with cancer, and chemo was on the cards, i didnt really care about loosing my hair, i asked my heam and she said i would loose it, then one of my chemo nurse, said i wouldnt, loose it and by that stage i kinda want to, for 3 reason, "to get the full cancer experience", to see what i looked like without hair (when would i have the guts to satisfy that curiosity) and i could experiment with different hairstyles as my hair was growing back.
then i began to loose it, and all the reasons to loose flew out the window and i did care it fell out. i was worried because i like my eyes and my smile and i thought they loose that with my hair gone, and i dont think i really smiled for a few days after it. ppl said i was lucky cos i have normal if not small ears. i hated how i looked a lot more like my brother now. no one tells you u dont actually stay bald, my hair grows back in patches, which looks crap. and when it was falling out i felt like a dog malting. my sister, jen, jamie and adrian cut and shaved my hair after it fell out too much. when i started going out without my hairs and wearing scarves i hated it, it wasn't that i fell insecure or anything it was just now everyone i looked at or everyone that looked at me knew i had cancer, its like a walking display bored. i know resent putting them on somedays, and somedays i forge that im wearing them at all. what i hate the most is i think i look fat without hair, which ppl are going to say is crazy talk, but i really do think it makes me look chunky. and it has nothing to do with the 15 kilos i have stacked on since chemo began, which eveyone thinks is fantastic, but i loved how my legs and but looked when i was super slim, mmmm..........